I've not had much therapy in my life. There were years when I was younger when I really would have benefited from it, but was too young to realise that. When I was 17, I got a kick in the arse from a friend, and I went to the appropriate health body for some help. They did give me a therapist, but the combination wasn't good; I didn't have the impression he was saying anything I hadn't already thought of a hundred times, and I didn't trust him. My sister wasn't a qualified therapist back then, but she did have some knowledge on therapy methods, and she said that his were about 100 years out of date.
I left this therapist as he wasn't adding anything to my life and then I muddled on on my own for years. I sort of figured that this sort of unhelpful stuff is what happens if you ask for help. But obviously, nothing had been solved, and I later hit a rather rough patch, and went back. And this time, things were different. This time they offered me both therapy and antidepressants. And the latter really made a world of difference. It quite snowed under any potential effect of the therapy I got with it. That was group therapy; it was enjoyable, but I didn't feel like it made huge difference. And I've never been in therapy since.
I didn't stay on these antidepressants very long. I think I got the hang of everything by myself, after they somehow jumpstarted the engine. And my life got better and better, over decades. So long, actually, that I started to take that trend for granted.
And then, in short succession, the underground men got hostile, lockdown was called, I developed serious RSI with which both the NHS in the University seemed reluctant to help me with, I got threatened with redundancy and I found myself an EU citizen in a Brexit country. That's quite a lot to deal with! And that's when the positive trend halted. And even reversed a bit.
I am still in quite an acceptable shape! But I wanted my positive trend back. And I also think I have a few hangups that might be self-reinforcing, and which complicate my relationships with my fellow humans. And I am nowhere without my fellow humans. So after a period when I thought that any person involved in mental health care really had more urgent things to do, thanks to much more serious effects of lockdown on other people, I decided that the time had come to look after myself. And what helped was that a friend casually mentioned they had a counsellor, and that they were happy with this person. And given that I recognised a few things in this friend, I thought that if this counsellor was good for them, then maybe they also would be for me!
When I looked up the Counselor online, I saw that she was on Christmas holiday, but would be back in early January. And once she was, I sent her a message. And she said she took on new clients. So we had a brief telephone consultation to establish whether if she and I might be a good match. We decided it looked like we were. And I was particularly drawn to the walking therapy sessions she does.
So one January afternoon I drove to Llanrwst to meet up with this lady. It was a bit challenging as there was a fair amount of snow and ice on the road, but I got there without incident. And we had our introductory session! This was mainly just me telling her why I was there. But I do think we had good rapport. So we made an appointment to do it again!
We will need to meet more often before I will see a difference. But I am confident that it will happen! And I hope that after the decline that started in 2019, 2023 will be the year in which that negative trend is bent back into it original positive direction!
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Picture taken during the first session |
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