Therapy terminated

I had started therapy in January. And I know it is a slow process. If you feel like you need therapy, you'll probably have issues with patterns in thought and/or behaviour that you have acquired over a long time, and that you now want to get rid of. You don't do that in a day!

My therapist kept asking me how I thought it was going. In the beginning I said that it was going slow, but that was to be expected, because it was still in the beginning. But by now I was starting to think that there wasn't really noticeable progress at a time when there should be. It was nice to have someone like her to talk to, but if she doesn’t kick me in the bum and make me see from a fresh angle how I interact with the world and how I could do that differently, I’m not getting out of it what I need.

And then there was a dénouement. I had explained to my sister in a letter why exactly I had chosen to go into therapy. And he suggested she answer that in a video call. So we had one on the eve of a therapy session. And my sister totally does kick me in the bum! And she knows she can, and she is aware there are situations in which she shouldn't, so she kept asking for consent for doing that, but she did get it every time. Nothing is better for you in the long term than that! And by the time we hung up, I realised that one video call with her had been more effective than four months of therapy with my therapist. And I know my sister knows me better than anyone else, and she's a seasoned therapist herself, but still.

The next morning when I saw my therapist I did mention that. And that I figured I needed someone who indeed kicks me in the bum, shows me where my interaction with the world goes wrong, and what I can do to practice to improve that. And I asked her if she could recommend someone who could do that. Unfortunately, she said that the person she would most warmly recommend had an enormous waiting list, but she promised to think of some other suggestions. I figure the therapists in the region generally all know each other!

The timing wasn't ideal; the situation with Dave had resulted in some big extra dents in my confidence. But I didn't think that was reason enough not to terminate this therapy. If I can find someone else who is more suited to how I roll, they will be more effective at dealing with this! And it's not as if I am not used to picking myself up.

At the end of the session we hugged. It would be the last one. I hope I can find a therapist who manages to find the right buttons in me to push!

Old picture of the view from the therapy