Difficult conversations on the Lleyn

I had barely seen Dave since our walk to Pen yr Helgi Du. Surely not a good sign! As I once read an agony aunt advise: if they really want to be with you, they will find a way to be with you. But the problem is a bit that if you don't see someone, you can't talk about why they might not be keen to see you. Even thought this can be quite a pertinent question. 

The second weekend of May he would be available. And the plan was that we would go on a multi-day hike. And I love those! But it was clear that the main purpose of this hike, for me at least, would be to have difficult conversations. An unusual main purpose for a hike, but if you need to have them anyway, you might as well have them while doing something you love.

We decided to hike the far end of the Lleyn peninsula, basically because neither of us had done it before. And the mountain weather forecast for Snowdonia wasn't very good. It would be better to stay a bit low! And then you might as well be on the coast, as that tends to be a rather scenic part of low-lying areas.

We had already made a start with difficult conversations during the preparations, but there was more work to be done. And, of course, there was the hike. We drove to Methlem to start the walk, and from there hit the coastal path. Or rather; we ended up on a tiny little track underneath the coastal path. That made for a slow going! But it was scenic. After lunch on Dinas Bach, which was about an hour in, we headed for the official path anyway.

On our way 

Rugged coast

At about 4 pm, when we were at the top of Mynydd Mawr, I suggested a break. I wanted to get my shoes off for a bit! And heartbreak is tiring. And it turned out to not just be me who needed that. We both dozed off in the sun.

When we got going again we realised we should start to look for places to fill up our water containers, and seek a place for the night. Saint Mary's well was not far away: we went there, and found it involves a beautiful stream that was perfect for filling up. And on Mynydd Bychestyn we found a place to stay for the night. It had a view on Bardsey island and a much smaller island called Carreg Ddu, and a nearby little stream. Perfect.

Water! And Bardsey Island; anonymised on request

dinner prep

We soon noticed that the tides there come rushing around the promontory, and force their way violently past Carreg Ddu. That was quite spectacular!

The tides and Carreg Ddu

Sitting by the tent after dinner we talked. Not easy, but necessary.

The next day we woke up in fog. We followed the coastal path to Aberdaron, and from there walked back to the vehicle in as straight a line as we could manage on public footpaths. We had our last lunch at Garreg Quarry, of which we realised later it was less than a kilometre straight inland from Dinas Bach. 

The symbolism is strong 

So what came out of the conversations? We are now going our separate ways. I hadn't been imagining things.

I felt stupid for letting him drag me to his friends and his sister, only for things to crash so shortly afterwards. And for dragging him to Yorkshire. That had been Roelof’s idea, but still; I should have overruled that on the basis of it being way too soon. Captain Hindsight would've done that.

I am sad now. We are all flawed humans, and he is no exception, but I thought we were unusually compatible. And for two months we had a really good spark. Maybe that’s easy for two months. But I found it special! And he might be back on the blog one day; after all, we live really close to each other, so we are bound to bump into each other in the area sooner or later. Nobody benefits from it if that is awkward or painful. So I would like it if one day we can at least just raise a glass to the two good months. 

In the meantime, there is no point in moping. I am already in therapy for being better able to deal with rejection and ostracism, so we can just scoop this up as we go along and add it to the pile. And then I can just continue my life as it was before. After all, I have a cat and a house and a garden that all love to mop up any attention I do not spend on dating. So back to normal…