English women know no cold, no pain and no fear. On the coldest winter nights you'll see them balancing on their metre high heels, in the tiniest of dresses, drunk out of their skulls, and they seem to find that perfectly normal. I am not English and it shows. I am most rarely drunk out of my skull, my skirts tend to reach my knees, and if it's winter I'll be wearing much more than that. And most of all: I don't do heels. I can't walk on the things. I always look in bewilderment at ladies who can do cobbled streets on more than 10cm of stiletto heel. But times are changing. I have no intention to increase my alcohol intake, nor do I wish to hike up my skirts. Yet I have had a pair of heels
for years now, and I think it's time I wear them. They go well with some of
the new outfits. So Saturday the polkadot dress will make its public debut, and the heels should come along. But the whole dressing up exercise goes straight down the drain if I still can't walk on these things. So I had to practice. I bravely put them on, somehow made my way down the stairs, and onto the road I went. Where I found out I'm really not English.
It's not easy taking a picture of your own feet!
I figured it would hurt. It did. I figured I would struggle to find something that vaguely resembled an elegant gait. I did. And I figured I would find it a bit unsettling to be out on the streets being practically crippled. And I really did. I don't tend to feel too uncomfortable on my own in town at night, in any town where I go really, but on these heels I was very ill at ease. Walking was difficult, running would have been impossible! And I was perfectly sober; while drunk this must be much worse. And you could say I'm just not used to it; if I would stagger down the streets positively shit-faced on my towering heels every week I would not find it very scary anymore, after a while. And, of course, practice would improve my heel-walking skills, but I don't think it would ever really get easy. I think I'd rather keep that fear (and concomitant climsiness, probably) in place. It serves a purpose...
I think my previous record was only ~3 cm...
Cute shoes! Tip: the trick to this as used by me and lots of other Dutch girls I know is to minimise the walking you have to do outside, where there are cobblestones, puddles and all sorts of things to trip on. Just cycle pretty much to the front door of wherever you are going, indoor walking in heels is much easier! And cycling in a skirt, even a relatively short or relatively tight one, is still easier than navigating uneven cobblestones on high heels. Tip 2: invest in more pairs of heels. Especially something which a) looks nice under a skirt and b) has thicker, broader heels. And c) is less open to the elements. A nice ankle high or knee high boot for example. Much easier to walk in, and you're less likely to get stuck in say, subway gratings or spaces between cobblestones :-). Tip number 3, your polka dot dress would look just as nice combined with the bright red sneakers i am wearing right now (in combination with my red dress). Don't know about over there, but dress + thick panty hose or leggings + snazzy sneakers is increaslingly acceptable dress code here, I regularly go to work like that and have not encountered any raised eyebrows thus far :-). And it's still miles away from full on troglodyte :).
ReplyDeleteThanks Jits! I think you may be right. Maybe I should buy a pair of slightly lower heels to get some not-too-painful training. Changing shoes seems to help, according to Eddie Izzard, and he should know... and do notice these actually have a very broad heel! Though the angles from which I took these pics don't accentuate that.
ReplyDeleteI am, by the way, honing my skills of biking in increasingly challenging skirts, but there are occasions where you don't want to ruin the general ladylike impression by showing up on a big, old, black mountainbike... especially here in England, where people are quite prone to raising eyebrows to situations involving bikes. Tonight we'll take a cab; we'll see how close to the door of the restaurant it can get!
Well, than I'll add tip number 4: do the Dutch thing and buy another bike. A proper city bike with a low instep that allows you to sit upright. Are granny bikes (is that a real termin English) available in England?
ReplyDeleteYou have a point Maaike, but I hesitate! My kitchen cannot hold a limitless number of bikes, so one of my current ones would have to go if I would want to have a lady bike too... I think that is too much of a sacrifice! I think I'll stick to the short strut to the cab for now...
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